Kenya’s High Court Gives You a Fourth Option: Staying, Leaving, Killing Yourself, or… Not Even Being Bothered by the Law

In what can only be described as an innovative judicial decision, Kenya’s High Court has just opened the door for an all-new way out of this beautiful disaster we call life. You know, in case the usual three options—staying, leaving, or killing yourself—weren’t working for you. Now, apparently, you have a fourth: go ahead and try to off yourself, and don’t worry, the law’s got your back. Well, not your back exactly—more like it’s letting you go ahead and fail without a criminal record. A small comfort, right?

The court decided that punishing someone for attempting suicide violates their “right to health,” as though mental health didn’t have enough complications already. Because why make someone who’s already in despair feel worse by, I don’t know, trying to save them or anything? No, no, just let them be, and hey—if they fail, it’s just another statistic. No harm, no foul.

With this decision, Kenya has officially endorsed the idea that if you’ve run out of all your options, there’s always the legal way to just… not give a damn anymore. Who needs mental health support when you can just be left alone, with no legal consequences, to figure out whether your pain is enough to finally push you over the edge?

So now, in this brilliant new reality, the choices are clear. You can stay in this mess, you can leave (if you can manage), you can end it all, or… you can fail at ending it all and not face any legal repercussions. After all, why bother enforcing laws when apathy is the new law of the land?